Friday, June 13, 2008

Who Put the Dead Bird in My Mailbox!?

I have known some really weird people in my lifetime, in fact one day I will tell you about the midget Renaissance guy who stocked ((is that the right word? ) lol I dont know))me for a while (my mom doesn't know)
A few reasons why you may have done this act:
a) how did you get my mailbox address in the first place?
b) did you kill the bird ?
c) it died horribly, that much was clear.
d) you're psycho.
e) do I know you?
f) if I do know you I don't want to know you.
g) if I don't know you, what did I do to inspire you to put a dead bird in my mailbox
h) I don't know how to disinfect a mailbox from a dead bird, I'm worried about diseases and have used five different kinds of cleaner but still feel like the bird's still in there still and like my bills, my catalogues and my coupons have dead bird on them
i) it was a hummingbird, I looked it up - this is so crazy psycho, I can't believe this
j) are you the mailman? cause if you are, I will stop parking in front of the box if that is what you want.
k) I'm always nice to the mailman
l) You must know I live by my pareants if you know me, and they are totally freaking out.
m) my Dad owns many guns.
n) do you have some kind of problem with birds?
o) don't put anything else in my mailbox!
p) unless it's an apology.
q) no, I take that back, I don't even want an apology.
r) what am I supposed to do with this bird - it's in bubblewrap in a bag in a shoebox in the freezer right now - am I supposed to bury it - where? how? in a construction site where they've jackhammered through the concrete - where is a person supposed to bury dead humming birds in this city?
s) I could drop it in the water at lytal creek, but that seems undignified
t) I could drop it in the ocean, but the ocean is so big and it is such a small bird
u) I could drop it in the toilet but it would probably get stuck
v) I hear this whirring around my ears every time I go to the mailbox and I'm pretty sure it's ghost bird, and I'm all like "it wasn't me that killed you, bird!" but still the whirring doesn't go away until I get inside my house.
w) am I supposed to eat it - maybe you were trying to feed me - don't you know I'm on a diet
x) if this was T.J., This was so not cool, I know you are off work, but please find something better to do with your time.
y) if this was ANDY!!!, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, how many times I gotta say I'm sorry
z) I guess could drop it off the roof, maybe it will reincarnate while falling and I can start reading my mail again


this story is true it just did not happen to me. The names and places have been changed for comedic effect.

5 comments:

Katie Booker said...

I'm confussed....so did you get a dead bird in your mailbox??? Or did you just change the names and places in the funny story to fit you?
If you did get a dead bird in your mailbox then as soon as I'm off bedrest we are going to track these people down and get them back.
Some of our "young people" have it out for the Country Club people right now.
Grafitti, Ding-Dong-Ditch, Dead Birds, etc.
WE will show them how it's REALLY done!

The Most Spectacular Brother By Law Evarr said...

I'm disappointed in the lack of comments on this, I think it would have gotten more without the "disclaimer" on the bottom. Still funny tho.. and I like how you really made it your own

(That last part was my Paula Abdul impression)

The Dillons said...

LOL I added the disclaimer, cause I felt bad when Mom called and asked who put a dead bird in my mailbox.

The Dillons said...

HAHA I just caught that paula part. I think you are just, sub-blogging on my blog through my comments section.

Katie Booker said...

You definitely did a good job being creative!

I have to agree...Andy no longer takes care of his own blog..he just blogs on yours in your comment section! =)