Sunday, January 17, 2010

Love You Daddy.

Can't sleep. I am so nervous about tomorrow. I hope my Mom follows through and brings my Dad to church. I wish we could stay and make sure she does, but our Church is so packed on Sundays, that we HAVE to get there early and save a seat.
I feel like I should be there morning, day and night. I feel like I should be sitting at my Dad's bedside and never fall asleep just to make sure nothing bad happens. I would, but I can't, because I have my own little family to care for and it is not fair to Wyatt to have a wiped out mom. Already I feel like my "mothering" is running on automatic. I do what I have to do, but I catch myself not paying real attention to the baby. Don't get me wrong, I am taking good care of him, I just forget to play with him sometimes or look into his beautiful eyes and tell him how much I love him. Thankfully, he is very good at getting my attention :)
I wish I could cry like I need to, but I can't because I can't break down. I try to, I try to relax and let my emotions go, but nothing happens. I am sure it is for the best right now, but I feel like if I could just cry long enough I would be able to think more clearly.
I know this is too much to put out on a blog and that some people are going to look at me kinda funny after reading this, but I need an outlet and this is it. : )

4 comments:

Kathy McElhaney said...

It is one of the most difficult things in life to watch your parent suffer through illness and feel like you can't do anything. Hang in there and know that God is with you. Praying for you all!

Caroline said...

No, it's not too much. If some folks don't understand, it's because they have never been through what you're going through. Don't worry about what they think.You just write what you need to, and know that we will be praying for you and your dad.

The Dillons said...

Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Hey, this is your DAD for goodness sake! We are dealing with the possible eminent death of a DOG! How much harder it is with a parent!
Bev