Can't sleep. I am so nervous about tomorrow. I hope my Mom follows through and brings my Dad to church. I wish we could stay and make sure she does, but our Church is so packed on Sundays, that we HAVE to get there early and save a seat.
I feel like I should be there morning, day and night. I feel like I should be sitting at my Dad's bedside and never fall asleep just to make sure nothing bad happens. I would, but I can't, because I have my own little family to care for and it is not fair to Wyatt to have a wiped out mom. Already I feel like my "mothering" is running on automatic. I do what I have to do, but I catch myself not paying real attention to the baby. Don't get me wrong, I am taking good care of him, I just forget to play with him sometimes or look into his beautiful eyes and tell him how much I love him. Thankfully, he is very good at getting my attention :)
I wish I could cry like I need to, but I can't because I can't break down. I try to, I try to relax and let my emotions go, but nothing happens. I am sure it is for the best right now, but I feel like if I could just cry long enough I would be able to think more clearly.
I know this is too much to put out on a blog and that some people are going to look at me kinda funny after reading this, but I need an outlet and this is it. : )