Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Mayor

I have a cousin, his name is David Zamora. He was the Mayor of Colton, thus he was jokingly referred to as, "my cousin the Mayor". He died this week due to a heart attack. My heart is so sad. I love this man. Family get togethers will not be the same without David's usual banter about how much hair I have now (I was bald for a long time as a child). I just can't believe he is gone. When I first heard of his passing, it took about an hour for the news to really hit and the tears to begin flowing. I sat in my rocking chair and cried for a long time. I got my boys , hugged them tight and gave each one a kiss on the head. Death is so trying. I am sure that is what really causes the gray hair and wrinkles.
When I was younger I wanted to live to be 101. Not 100, but I wanted that extra year. I'm not sure why, 101 probably just sounds better than 100.
Now that I am almost 29, I am not so sure I want to live that long. In just the last seven years that Caleb and I have been married, I believe at least 6 family members have passed away. Granted, I was closer to some than others, but that is still 6 deaths I have had to deal with personally or watch my family deal with. Not an easy thing either way. Living long means out living others. Burying your friends and family. Dieing early means leaving others behind. Namely my children (I know this is depressing, but I'm just clearing the air). I dread the day my boys have to deal with the lose of Caleb or Myself, but I am understanding more and more that we can not get way from death. No matter how much we put it out of our minds, it is always there, looming in the background. It is a part of life.
So, that being said, I don't think I want to live to be 101 anymore. I am not sure what age I would like to live to be. Maybe somewhere in my 80's. That seems ok. Old enough to see some grandkids, but not so old that I am the last of my generation to die. (is this a weird post? kinda)

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