It's almost 10:30pm, Wyatt is with Justine, Zane and Caleb are asleep, and I am sitting on the couch munching on cold McDonalds. Don't judge me, I have lost almost about 20 pounds since I had Zane, so this must not be too bad. Anyway, in the past few days, I have had a lot on my mind. A Lot. The inGroup spa party seems to be going ok. It was all planned at the last minute, so that is totally driving me crazy (I like to be super prepared). I am going to be in a wedding in Aug, and I still need to find material for my dress. There is a baby shower I need to organize for Sept. Just lots of stuff that requires a lot of time to get done right. But there is something else that makes all this seem so small, and that is guilt. Mother's Guilt. I know all mother's have felt it/feel it at some point. I looked it up on the Internet just to make sure I wasn't going crazy, and you would be surprised at the amount of sites dedicated to guilt. Today, it is weighing heavy on my heart.I feel like I am letting Wyatt down. He is my first born (my mom always said, "you love all your kids, but your first is different"). I have such a deep love for him. We have been through a lot together. Every first I have ever experienced in parenting has been with him (obvious, but so true). There is a special bond between us, and yet I feel like I don't treat him like he deserves. I look at him and I feel guilty. I am always trying to balance my time and energy between my boys and my husband, but so many times I fall short of who I want to be to each one. I want to be an awesome mom with the patience of Gandhi to my boys. I want to be a super cleaning/dinner making/ hott wife to my husband (yes I said hott, who doesn't want their husband to think they are a hottie). But so far all I am is an over stretched (physically & emotionally lol) crazy lady that would love to sleep for 8 hours in a row and take a long nap in the middle of the day. So, what to do? I have talked to Caleb and he assures me I am not horrible, but I am weird. He says I am a great mom. Unfortunately his words are not enough. I need to solve this problem as best I can. I want to enjoy my children w/o guilt, so I looked over a few of the websites I found and came upon this list of ways to overcome how I feel. It seems doable. What do you think?
The last one is something I really need to work on. Gotta get out of the house and let loose once in a while.