I just want to say that I have not forgotten about you. In fact, I think of you often. I reminisce about all the time we have shared together. Fond memories of quiet evenings recapping all the random things that happened throughout the day. I miss you. I miss our long walks on the bea.....wait that's not right. I miss having enough time to sit and quietly sift through my thoughts. I need to sift through my thoughts. They are starting to get all jumbled up in my head. I have already forgotten the names of my children and have given in to calling them all Dillon. If I need a specific one I call them Dillon 1 or 2 or 3. It's just easier that way lol.
I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing that "parenting fog" I've heard about. Life is just moving along and every once in a while I become coherent enough to see that Zane isn't a baby and yes, that is actually him having a conversation with Wyatt about the best place to set up a Dinie Camp. Time is running away from me and I'm not real sure how OK I am with that idea. There's always too much to do and no time to do it in.
I find myself pining away for the days spent doing nothing more then was necessary. Lazy Saturdays are unheard of in this house. The laziest day we have still consists of getting up waaaaaaaaaaay too early and making breakfast for five (sissy eats with us now), bathing too many bodies and putting shoes on too many feet. I think I might have even put Caleb's shoes on a time or too (kidding).
I know it seems like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm not. I'm just trying to sort through what has been a hard couple of weeks. Parenting is hard. Parenting requires us to open ourselves up emotionally and become more sensitive to life. When we are more sensitive we can truly feel extreme soul warming joy just by looking into the laughing eyes of our children. We can feel pride rise up in our hearts as our babies grow and achieve even the most basic milestones. Being sensitive also puts us at risk for emotional fatigue as we battle the will of a toddler day in and day out. The needs of children are never ending. After each story there is another waiting to be read; There's always another sippy cup needing a refill, diaper in need of changing and heart that needs the closeness of a parent.
Today, I'm tired. I promise myself that the morning will bring a new day, a chance to try again at this parenting thing. I know there is joy in raising children. My kids give me a reason to laugh several times a day, But every now and then I need some quality alone time to sift through my thoughts and just think.
Quiet time is just about up. One of these days when I am 50 and my kids can fend for themselves, I am going to sleep till noon, eat ice cream for breakfast and then go back to bed and read an entire book without interruption. These are the dreams of a SAHM.